Ever Outlast
by Jinx the Revolving Lime
Summary: Cassandra's last grains of sand are finally falling. There's no more time to run or hide, but there's plenty of time to think. Time to regret. Time to cry. And there's forever to accept. Written for the Veritas Monthly Prompt Challenge: time.


**[A/N]**

Cassandra's last grains of sand are finally falling. There's no more time to run or hide, but there's plenty of time to think. Time to regret. Time to cry. And there's forever to accept.

Written for the Veritas Monthly Prompt Challenge: Time-It flies. Sometimes not fast enough, sometimes too fast...

A million thanks to Theia47 for betaing! You were loads of help.

**Ever Outlast**

"_I fucking dare you, you bastard!" That bastard. Traitor. Host._

Even now, as I watch my death play out again, I wished it would've ended differently. Maybe I could've used my time reflecting on the things I've done, like how Anubis weighs your soul to a feather. I might've been happy with the whole life-flashing-before-your-eyes scenario, a little closure you know?

But no, I just had to go out being stupid.

_Luke tilted his head to the side, I could see his smirk in the starlight. No moon out tonight, not even a sliver. It was just stars, clouds, Kronos or Luke (whatever the fuck that pussy is) with Backbiter in hand, and me-bloodied up me. Weaponless in the face of the enemy after my fifth escape attempt. You'd think I'd learn how to fasten some kind of spear or sword by now, something out of nothing. Kinda sucks I'm no daughter of Hephaestus, right?_

I should've thought of one memory, one time in my life when I was truly happy. I should've been strong enough to hold onto it right when I died, I'm a child of Ares for crying out loud! Aren't I strong enough?

_The fucker did something that shocked me, and that's saying something if you can shock little old moi. He drove Backbiter in the dirt and leaned up against the hilt as if it were a cane. To fucking rest on as if he had nothing better to do. That's when I locked eyes with him, and immediately regretted it. Those eyes were smiling, big and proud-it gave me chills. I remember them smiling so many times before. When I was first captured, when he watched me almost starve in the isolation cell, when me and Onree tried to escape, and when he killed Onree._

Oh, Onree. Poor, poor Onree. I missed him.

_But every time, when his eyes smiled, they said the same thing: _Cassandra, you fool.

"_Pick up your sword and fight like a man," I spat. My fists tightened and I started to bounce on the balls of my feet. I was ready for the time of my life. _

Why hadn't I been more careful?

"_What are you waiting for?" His eyebrows creased. How dare I ask him a question._

"_I'm wondering whether I should prolong your death or increase the time it'll take you to realize you're wrong. You're quite lucky I'm still contemplating, your friend didn't have any options when he fell at your feet." I started to shake. I knew Luke was going to bring him up._

I could've contained my anger. I know I could've. I would've walked back to prison like the little demigod I was. Was that better than what I did?

"_It doesn't matter anymore, Onree is dead!" I shouted. "It's just you and me now, and I'll die fighting you if I have to. Go ahead, do it, I have all the time in the world." So what's it going to be? _I had assumed._ Shall I be dragged back or pushed?_

"_Alright then." Then he did it. The bastard fucking did it. He drove Backbiter through my stomach and pinned me to the ground. Out of all the times he could've done it... Did I finally get to him? He's supposed to force me back to base... He actually did it. I never thought he would. _

And I never thought it would've been anything like that.

_Luke killed me. But I wasn't dead yet. _

_I looked up at the stars, wondering why I couldn't reach them, they seemed so close. Then I realized that I was still in the real world. I couldn't move. I tried to squirm, but I just couldn't. Was I this weak? Then the four-foot sword came into focus, standing perfectly straight out of my gut. I wasn't going anywhere._

_I felt the wind blow, the trees reacted so slowly, it was like watching them move in a frame by frame process. Oh gods no! He slowed time just for me._

_I said I had all the time in the world. Now I got my wish._

_He didn't even give me a chance to fight. Boom. Down. It was so quick I didn't react. My breathing quickened, and I winced every time. Since when did it hurt to breathe? Then I felt the real pain._

_I tried to gasp, scream, call him so many things that came to mind; I tried to pound my fists, take the sword out of me, even threaten him. I wouldn't move. I was in shock. _

I saw myself hyperventilate in the grass. I could still taste the fear on my lips when I finally realized I was dying. _Pathetic_, my father must've thought. There was no way I would've been able to die a hero; I didn't go out fighting. A choice every child of Ares should pick. I couldn't have died as a martyr either. I had been so scared.

"_Onree."_ I heard my dying being say. Shock must've worn off because my body was convulsing. So much pain, and no ambrosia. _"Chiron."_ I had pleaded to no one in particular. Luke sneered at his son's name. _"Mom."_ I saw myself cry, how I wish I could walk over to me and smack some sense into myself. Or maybe cry in unison. But ghosts don't cry. _"Clarisse." _I had shouted in the night for my sister. I had gripped the grass, wanting to pull the living everything out of the earth. _"Ares."_

If I had prayed, I knew I wouldn't have died a coward. Ares, I'm sorry for what I did. Why couldn't I find the time to IM you, at least once, after we met? You frightened me so much. Our spat means nothing, I care about you, dad, even though you despise me.

Now that I think about it, I could've seen Clarisse right behind Luke, in armor and electric spear in hand. She would rip him to pieces and save me. Then we would talk about the time we finally got revenge on the Stoll brothers by TP'ing their cabin, and we might do it again for old time's sake. Clarisse, I was always your friend.

Mom. I heard myself choke up. Mom, why weren't you there? Cradling me, I'm still your little girl. Why did you leave me at camp? I was only ten! I didn't want you to go. You told me to be brave and make dad proud. I wished I would've seen you one last time. Mom, I miss you.

Why didn't Chiron gallop in and save the day? I should've listened to him more. I'm sorry I didn't follow all the rules. You helped me so much, Chiron. Remember my first archery practice? That disaster? You taught me how to get a bulls-eye in the end. You knew how to make things right. I respected you, Chiron.

Please, Onree, where were you in my time of need? I was with you when you died, right? I held you in my arms as the blood gurgled from your mouth. You died a true hero's death. Remember in winter, we'd breathe on each other's hands to stay warm. Right before you died, you said you loved me. I could never take a hint, you must've known all along I liked you. Onree, I love you.

One of those memories should've been it. I should've seen one of them right before I died, but you can't choose the time in your life that was most important to you.

"_Please," I finally said, looking up at Luke for mercy. My abdomen was going to implode, my hearing was gone, and so was my sense of smell and taste. My body tingled like knifes stabbing and retreating then repeating. I coughed up blood, I knew I was going to choke or black out soon. Was it too much to ask to die in peace, or without a weapon in your gut?_

_My eyesight was going, but I knew I saw Luke looking amused. He grabbed the hilt and pulled Backbiter out of me. Slowly. My back arched as my body was hoisted inches above the ground, then slammed back down when pulled out of me. I screamed so loud. I rolled over to my side, tentatively touching my wound. It went right through me. I wasn't ready. Where was I? What was I doing? What happened? I began to sob while bleeding to death. _

"_Cassandra. Cassandra. Cassandra."_ Luke chastised while wiping my blood off of his sword. Of course my dying self couldn't hear him, my ears had stopped. I was sitting cross-legged on the ground, probably twenty feet away from the rerun, picking grass as I heard his speech.

"_One day in the Underworld, you'll be walking through the fields. Thinking about your life, a thing mortals tend to do, and you'll think about the way you died. How you let so many people down. How you, what's the saying? Bit off more than you could chew. You'll think about how inferior you were to me, and how you had no hope of winning. On that day, you'll thank me for showing you the light.. _

"_And I'll say, 'You're welcome.'"_

_I rolled on my back, I couldn't see the stars anymore, but I saw myself walking down a windowless concrete hall. I was the only prisoner, since I was shackled and guarded by monsters. Why was I there, was it a dream, a delusion? I didn't know, but I didn't seem to enjoy it. I'd kick the monsters and try to break free. I was so angry, so infuriated, I was ready to rip everyone's throats, but why? It didn't matter, those creatures finally got me under control and I followed suit. My head was down, and I hadn't noticed a figure running towards me until he was a few feet away. Good looking, strong, pale, maybe in his late teens? He was in a hurry and nearly tripped when skirting around us. He had bumped into my shoulder. It was completely accidental, he was busy and I wasn't looking. _

"_Sorry," he murmured, as one would when pushing into people. It was so faint, just a passing whisper. Sorry. It blew my mind; it was so amazing that word. The guards continued to drag me along, I wasn't paying attention. That man looked so familiar: blond hair, the scar on his cheek, gold eyes. Eventually I was dumped into a cell. Next to me was another prisoner. He was muttering something in a different language. It sounded French, but I didn't know him. _

_My mind continued to whirl. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. So simple, why was it so important? Why couldn't I remember that man's name? I knew what it was, I know I knew, but another word came to mind. _

"_Kronos. Kronos. Kronos. Kronos. Kronos."_

I stopped fiddling with the grass, this was it. The time I've seen repeated over and over again. I knew what was going to happen, and it was the only thing that made up for everything.

Luke loomed over my beaten, broken, dying body. My other self smiled, big and proud. It hurt to smile while the body was spazzing because of failing nerves. I smiled to myself-that hurt too.

"_I forgive you."_

I winced, I wanted everything to rewind now. Not a second later, _now_! After all that agony I had endured, wishing, pleading for it to be over before I could realize it was over. I didn't get that. My time of death had slowed and made my last seconds feel like unbearable hours. After waiting so long for it to be over, it was going to be. But I am still scared.

I turned away, a smile plastered on my face as Kronos blasted my forgiving self to smithereens. I looked back to see his reeling mind handle bewilderment and utter confusion with no reassuring explanation. Luke stared at the patch of grass I died on, rooted to the spot.

Luke wouldn't know my soul went straight to Hades himself. He wouldn't know about the long speech Hades gave me when he watched me die. He wouldn't know my punishment for forgiveness was to watch my death for eternity in a constant replay that should interpret my own personal hell. He wouldn't know the answer I gave Hades when he asked me, why I forgave Kronos, the sworn enemy of everyone. He wouldn't know my answer was _Sorry. _

And no one would know that every time I saw my slowed death come to an end too soon, heard that _Sorry_ said thousands upon thousands of times that it eventually lost its meaning when _I forgive you_ rolled around, realized that my time on Earth had been short lived and a shortcoming, that I smiled.

Because that's the only time that will ever last the longest. Forever.

**[A/N]**

Disclaimer: Rick Riordan owns PJ, not I.

Tell me your thoughts, it would be mighty helpful!

Keep writing and reading Fellow Fanfictioners!

-Jinx


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